


CONFESSIONS

by obsessedwithgayboybanders



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Based on things that really happened in the show, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Even though it's most likely NOT canon, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It covers 3 seasons, Mention of biphobia, OMG yes this is MY FAVORITE tag, Talking about cis-het privileges, This is unbeta'd, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unbetaed Idk, William doesn't exist in this, this is very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9466754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessedwithgayboybanders/pseuds/obsessedwithgayboybanders
Summary: Two times Noora confesses something to Eva. One time Eva is the one to confess.





	

##### The song

Noora can’t stand seeing people sad, especially when those people are her friends. Especially when her friend is Eva, whose lips usually form a beautiful smile to match with glinting forest-like eyes, but nowadays all she does is walk around with her head hung low and her wild, ginger mane covering her downcast frown. The blonde girl thinks it’s extremely unfair that while Eva has been judged by half of the school, Chris has guys congratulate him for doing the exact same thing she did. Why is it everything so much harder for girls than for boys? Why is the girl a slut when she cheats on her boyfriend, but the boy is considered a role model, an inspiration, for making out with another chick? Sometimes Noora wishes she didn’t learn about feminism, so she could live a blissful life, free of maddening questions and disappointing answers, but then she reminds herself that reality is always better than an illusion, no matter how hard it is. She’d rather fight and fall and get up and fight again than walk smoothly on top of all the other girls and women who suffer as much as she does. Too bad their fight is far from being over, but Noora believes more and more females will get together to help each other so one day their granddaughters can live in a world where they don’t fear being censored for having sex. 

She may not eradicate Eva’s sorrow or protect her from harsh words and cold gazes thrown at her, but Noora can keep her company when she’s feeling down and just be silly, try to make her think of something else other than all this drama involving Penetrator Chris, Jonas and Iben. This is why she sits next to her after school and talks innocent things about Vilde and her obsession with the Norwegian school tradition.

“Don't you think Vilde is really far removed from Earth? She's floating on a pink cloud with all this Russ stuff. Russ time is her life, and there are three more years. I just don't understand what the big deal is. It's kind of nice though.” When Noora realizes nothing will come out of Eva’s mouth, she tries another path. “He still hasn't called?” Now Eva shakes her head no. Noora sighs and mentally swears at Jonas. “You know you don't have to wait until he is ready to talk, right? You have the right to explain yourself.” Eva just shrugs, clearly not interested in discussing this. Noora doesn’t wait another beat and fills the silence again:

“You know what always gets me in a better mood? Okay, promise you won't hold it against me?”

“Yeah,” Eva finally answers with her voice, and Noora beams at her.

“Seriously, you can't tell anyone, it's between us.” Noora gets her iPhone and gives one earbud to Eva. “If this song doesn't put you in a better mood, then…” And Justin Bieber’s childish, almost feminine voice in Baby starts playing and Noora sings along.

Slowly, as if it’s taking a toll on her, Eva smiles, and after seconds of watching Noora make a fool of herself for interpreting the song with gestures, she even laughs. 

Noora learns that day that your heart swells with happiness when you provide happiness to someone.  
  
  


##### The likes and dislikes

“Eva, are you awake?” Noora asks, suddenly. It’s almost 2 am, and they have to go to school in a few hours, but she isn’t tired at all. She and Eva had spent the evening eating pizza and watching a couple Sandra Bullock movies on Netflix while they were updated on the latest gossips through Twitter and posted cheesy “girls night” photos with even cheesier captions on Instagram. Tonight was just the two of them, having been bailed by Chris, Vilde and Sana, who all had things to do and couldn’t go with Eva to her Tinder date. Noora declined the offer (a _begging request_ would be more appropriate), claiming she didn’t want to be the third wheel, but agreed to meet her right after and spend the night at hers so Eva could gush all about the boy.

In reality, she barely said a full sentence about the whole thing, stating there wasn’t much to talk about, other than it was really awkward and that she’d rather stuff her mouth with food. Noora found this very appealing and actually way better than what was planned. She honestly didn’t know if she would be able to stomach listening to her friend spread all the news on her love life, even though she still preferred seeing Eva excited about someone new than having to comfort a silent, miserable girl all because of a misunderstanding that led to poor life choices. In the end, Eva came back just as happy as before, as if her boring afternoon at a crowded Starbucks with a boy she didn’t know had never happened.

“Yeah. You ok?” Eva shoots back in a whisper.

“Yeah. I just… I don’t know.” She turns to her right side so her eyes are hypothetically directed at the girl on the bed. The room is a giant black mass, no lights or lamps on, but Noora isn’t comfortable with talking to someone when her back is facing them. She feels her mouth getting dry and the palms of her hands getting damp. She hopes her voice isn’t wavering. “Sorry, sorry, I’m not making sense, am I?” She laughs nervously.

“Uh, not really, no,” Eva laughs too, and Noora hears her body scraping against the sheets so she can face the girl on the mattress on the floor. Now that her eyes have adjusted to the darkness Noora can see a thing that resembles a human head peering from the bed. “Do you need to go to the bathroom? Are you hungry? It’s ok, no need to be shy.”

“No, hm, it’s not that. I’m fine, but thanks. I just feel like I have to tell you something. I mean, I don’t have to, of course, but I want to. Maybe.” She pauses and takes a long breath. “No, no, I _definitely_ want to.”

“Alright, shoot then.” Noora can hear Eva growing impatient, and she doesn’t blame her. Noora is being too mysterious.

“I’m scared,” Noora admitted, her voice just a thin, fragile thread. She feels stupid for being afraid and showing it, after all Eva could interpret it the wrong way and think Noora doesn’t trust her at all, but she can’t predict her reaction.

“Shit, this is serious,” Eva says and she sits up. “Do you want me to turn on the lights?” She asks at the same time she unlocks her cell phone and throws a flash of white at Noora, who squints her eyes. “Sorry, sorry!” Eva says, a little louder this time.

“Eva! Please, don’t. I’ll tell you but please, no lights.” Noora sits up too. “You know when we were talking earlier. Me, you, Vilde, Sana and Chris?”

“Be more specific, Noora; we talk all the time,” Eva smiles.

“Fair enough. Like, midday, when we were talking about your date.”

“Oh, ok, yes. What about it?”

“I kind of- I kind of lied to you? Not completely lie. I don’t really remember what I said, but I don’t remember answering Vilde’s question. So, I don’t think I ever said yes or no.” Noora wishes she could have taken a glass of water to bed because now her tongue does that disgusting noise whenever it touches the roof of her mouth.

“Say yes or no to what? Sorry, Noora, I’m kind of lost here.”

“Oh god, don’t you remember? Will I have to actually say this? Fuck, ok, ok, I can do this.” Noora doesn’t understand why her heart is beating so fast. It was so much easier telling Eskild and Linn. Of course, Eskild is gay and Linn barely listens to a word she says, but still… even when she told her parents she was more relaxed. Well, turns out they already knew, being psychologists obsessed with other people’s sexual-related activities (and everything else involving sex and sexuality), so that helped too.

“Noora, are you shaking? Are you sure you’re ok? Come over here,” Eva says, angling her lit up cell phone - this time not so bright - at her and then her own bed.

“No, no, I don’t even know if you’ll want me around after what I have to say.” Perhaps Noora is overreacting, well, most likely she is, but you truly never know. Sometimes the kindest people reveal their most disgusting side and all you’re left to do is wonder whether you were blind or they are good actors. “I’m not straight. I’m a lesbian. I lied to you all today, I could’ve just said yes but I panicked for some reason so I may have suggested I wasn’t when really I am.” Noora finally said, the words packed in one single breath, but her tone was firm and clear. She may be scared but she sure isn’t ashamed.

“Oh.” Eva says and turns on the light for good. She looks at Noora after shielding her eyes for a bit. “Did you really think I’d kick you out of my house in the middle of the night for not liking guys?” She then says. She doesn’t exactly sound hurt, which Noora appreciates, just very surprised.

“You could’ve asked me to sleep on the sofa,” Noora sheepishly says, shrugging her shoulders.

“What, and lock my door so you don’t attack me with your lesbian germs?” They both laugh, but it sounds strained. No one to blame. Things have changed in the last few decades; being a member of the LGBTQ community is a more accepted thing in Norway, especially among the youth, but coming out isn’t a natural process yet. There’s nothing natural about having to tell everyone you meet, over and over again, something completely irrelevant to most parts (if not every part) of their lives, but having to do it anyway, simply because people need a little warning on the gender attached to the mouth you’d rather kiss (or the gender attached to your own mouth). Straight-cis privilege is to never have the experience of saying “I’m not who you think I am” and wait for a reaction.

She shrugs again, meaning _it happens. Not to me, but it’s happened before somewhere, it always does, and one day it can be me._

“Goddamnit, Noora.” Eva stands up and, careful to not step on her friend as she moves, drops her pillow and duvet by Noora’s foot. Next she lifts her mattress and places it next to Noora’s. After everything is set, she plops down and grins at her friend.

“Thanks.” _For not making me leave. For not asking if I’m really sure. For not saying I’m too girly to be queer. For not covering yourself in embarrassment._ Noora hopes Eva knows how deep the meaning behind one simple word can be.

“For being a decent human being and doing the only possible thing I could’ve done?” She asks, not whispering anymore.

“It’s not always like this, you know. Sometimes there are questions, some comments… not everybody feels comfortable.” To prove where she stands, Eva scoots closer to her friend and hugs her so tight Noora pretends to be suffocated and calls for help with a fading voice.

Eva lets go of her and laughs, Noora doing the same. She’s done this. Now it’s only a matter of time until she comes out to the rest of the group, but something tells her it won’t be as hard. She doesn’t like thinking about this, believes it’s not fair to the squad, but Eva is her closest friend, the one whose opinion matters the most, that’s why the girl was so nervous. She obviously doesn’t want to grow apart from anyone, will be terribly disappointed lest one of them decides they can’t be friends anymore, but Eva’s friendship has always been deeply treasured by Noora since the first day they met.

“Well, we can talk about it, if you want to. Whenever you want to. Not in Spanish though, I’m sorry, but I can’t get distracted while learning a foreign language I barely understand.” Noora snorts and her nostrils do that thing they do when she is amused.

“Deal, not in Spanish,” Noora lowers her head for a bit, trying to organize her thoughts into coherent sentences. Usually she has no problem to speak her mind, but this is so delicate, so personal, she’s afraid of ruining everything because of how she uses her rhetoric. “Ok, I suppose I want to talk a bit. I mean, me and Eskild have our little… gay group, I guess, so I do get to tell him about my crushes or whatever, but he’s a guy, right. A gay one, a very gay one, but a guy. Besides, Eskild’s favorite hobby is to talk about himself, so I mostly listen to what he has to say.

“But, hm, what can I tell you? Oh, yeah, I’ve had one girlfriend, but our relationship, if you can call that shit a relationship, was awful, so… we’re done, obviously. I’ve kissed a boy once, but that was before I realized I wasn’t into the whole _boys_ thing and oh god, no, definitely _no penis_ for me. Never.” She scrunches up her nose and Eva releases a loud laugh, which makes her laugh even louder.

“Oh, Noora, you’re amazing.” Eva takes her friend’s hands and hold them tenderly. “I’m so glad you went to talk to me at that party and then sat with me in Spanish. And, like, continued to talk to me even though I was the dumbest in class. I kind of still am but that’s not the point.” Noora rolls her eyes but concedes a smile, even though she hates when Eva underestimates herself to make people feel good. “So _I’m_ the one who has to thank _you_ for being my friend. Your sexuality will never change anything between us.”

Their talk ends with a cliché: some happy tears and a warm, meaningful hug, with both pairs of arms firmly pressed to each other’s back and Noora’s head tucked under Eva’s chin. Noora learns that day that Eva is the best person she’s ever met.  
  
  


##### The feelings

Noora was the worst person Eva ever met. She couldn’t believe her friend decided to move to London simply because she was _bored_ of her life. Well, so was everybody else, but that didn’t mean they could all live in another country for a few months whenever things got too monotonous. You don’t get to leave everything behind, your school, your flat, your family, your friends, your _best friend_ and expect it to be ok. Eva had the right to be angry, but she also knew no one could stop Noora. The blonde girl’s parents had too much money and always used it to compensate what they couldn’t give to her: love - which, if you ask Noora, she will say it’s a win-win situation. No emotional, family strings attached to make you feel homesick, and a financial aid to fund her little trips around Europe.

Eva, on the other hand, didn’t have a choice. Her closest friend left her and she had to continue living without her. It did sound pretty damn dramatic, and it did feel pretty damn dramatic in the beginning, but by the end of each week it hurt less and less, until it stopped aching. She would never have thought that Noora’s absence would bring her personal growth and the realization that she couldn’t depend her entire existence on one person anymore. She had done this when Ingrid stopped talking to her, she did the same when Jonas broke up with her, and she did it too in the first month Noora was gone, but Chris, Vilde and Sana opened her eyes to reality: she had other friends, who were right there in front of her to love her and support her. The moment Eva understood that her life was _hers_ , no matter who she shared it with, she forgave Noora.

Eva also found out things about herself she hadn’t given the time to think about, like how she enjoyed cooking or how she really hated skirts, but dresses were nice. Putting on makeup became one of her hobbies. Kissing girls was just as pleasant as kissing boys. Facebook was a real downer, but she couldn’t delete her account due to her Tinder profile, which had been revamped with new pics and the Women square also ticked blue in the “Show me” topic. She reinvented herself using pieces of her own personality that had been dormant, hidden under layers of doubts, insecurities and fear. 

And then Noora comes back. She tells Eva about the Irish girl who she fell in love with but was more interested in her parents’ money than Noora herself, that’s why she got fed up and came back home. Eva tries to be empathetic, to nod at the right time and keep a sad, understanding face, though she has other pressing matters in her mind: _will the new me still be friends with the new Noora? If so, how long until we realize we both have changed? Will our friendship ever come back to the way it was before she left? What if it doesn’t, what if we’ve both changed so much to the point of not being able to communicate with each other? What if we don’t fit anymore? Maybe we will just be two ghosts, two lost ghosts of ourselves, living in this world representing our current friendship but drifting away, looking for the other side, which is the friendship we lost._

Eva is so tired she doesn’t know what the heck these metaphors mean anymore, or even if they’re really metaphors. She’s spending the night at Noora’s, in the same flat Isak lives now, and she has to admit nothing too bad has happened regarding their connection. Noora has new stories to share, but so does Eva, and the two of them can relish together the fact that now they’re both in the same room, able to talk about everything they missed. And boy, do they have anecdotes! It’s been two weeks since Noora set foot in the airport and they haven’t stopped chatting, be it alone or with the rest of the girl squad. Every time they meet, 4, 5 hours fly by unnoticed. Eva can’t hide how relieved she is, after worrying for so long.

“Oh my god, I just realized something,” Noora cries out, smiling so big it makes Eva’s butterflies thump against her stomach walls. “This place right here,” her hands move above her head and in front of her. “Here, this flat, this tiny flat is crowded with queers tonight!” She laughs loudly and closes her eyes as she lies on the double bed they’re sharing. “Two bisexuals- wait, is Even bi or pan?”

“Uh… I don’t know, come to think of it. I don’t think he’s ever mentioned before...” Eva answers.

“Ok, so one bisexual,” she continues, touching Eva’s nose with her index finger, making her blush. “One non-monosexual, two gays and one lesbian. Wow!”  
“Five out of six! Considering Linn is straight, of course. Wow indeed! Minority group my ass.”

“I know, right? I love that we millennials are the gayest- sorry, sorry, I still have to remind myself that, even though the word “gay” is broadly used to mean the opposite of heterosexual, it doesn’t cover all sexual orientations. Thank god I have you to teach me about bi erasure,” Noora says sincerely. She had always considered herself open-minded and an enthusiast of political correctness, until Eva came out to her as bisexual and Noora started to learn more about her own prejudices and how to overcome them. “Anyway, I love that we are the _least straight_ generation ever.”

“Were you surprised when I came out to you on Skype?” Eva asks, after a while. “I mean, you looked a little taken aback but mostly you just said something like ‘nice, we can go to lesbian bars together now.’ I don’t know even know why I decided to talk about this, to be honest.”

“I thought… please don’t get me wrong, you know I’ve been improving, but, like, at first I thought you were just, uh, confused. Sorry,” Noora squints her eyes and blushes. “It’s just that I’ve seen lots of girls who say they’re bisexual but are actually curious. And then they dump you after using you as an experiment and go back to their boyfriends.”

“But how do you know it’s an experiment?”

“My first ex told me so,” Noora says and sighs. Eva looks at her and feels sad for her friend.

“Oh, Noora, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry. That girl is an idiot who never deserved you in the first place!” Eva takes her left hand and holds it. “I know it looks like you’re not lucky when it comes to relationships but I’m sure one day you’ll find a nice girl for you.” Even if it hurts her to say these words, she says them anyway. Noora needs a friend, and she will be one right now.

“You’d be a nice girl for me,” Noora says, laughing. Eva’s eyes bulge out of their sockets. She hopes her hands don’t start sweating, otherwise Noora will feel it in hers. Gross. “I mean, we’d be the definition of OTP, power couple.”

Eva wants to cry and throw up at the same time.

“Please, don’t say these things,” Eva manages to whisper, letting go of Noora’s hand.

“What? Why?” Noora sits up.

“Because,” Eva snorts and closes her eyes. “Nah, forget it, I’m just tired.” She lies down facing the wall and covers herself with the duvet.

“Eva, c’mon,” Noora shakes her, but Eva doesn’t budge. “Eva, look at me. I’m sorry, but did I offend you?”

“No,” she says, but still doesn’t look back.

“Ok… then why do you seem upset?” At this she does turn her entire body and glares at Noora.

“Oh please, Noora, don’t play dumb,” Eva rolls her eyes.

“I’m… not? I’m honestly just trying to understand why. I mean, I get it, you’re not into me, but I was just joking-”

“See? That’s why! You’re just joking. But to me… this is not a joke.” She’s still glaring at her friend, expecting her to show disgust.

“Yeah, obviously, you didn’t like what I said. I just don’t get why.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Noora! Because I like you. I really like you. Because I _am_ into you! I think I’ve been into you since the day we met, but I didn’t know or I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Like, in the beginning it was just a silly crush, right; I was awestruck that this pretty, clever, feminist girl wanted to be my friend! I mean, look at me!” Eva points both of her index fingers to herself. “I use beanies so that I don’t have to brush my hair! I never put on makeup! I’m nowhere as nice, or as intelligent, or as beautiful as you. Why would someone like _you_ be associated with someone like _me_?”

“Eva, please, listen-” Noora tries to calm her down, but Eva doesn’t stop.

“No, you listen to me. I started to accept the fact that you were my friend, and I would’ve been completely satisfied just with it, but then, I don’t know, I started to question everything, including my sexuality, and… my feelings for you. But I thought ‘stop, Eva, she’s not even into girls’, so I just forgot about it all, buried it very deep, and moved on. And then you came out to me! Can you imagine what that did to me? Everything came back in a rush and I was like ‘oh boy, I’m screwed.’ Add me getting jealous of Jonas and drinking whatever I found at parties into this fucked up mix and you’ll have me kissing Vilde. You and the girls never mentioned anything, so we just kept doing our thing for a while. I don’t think she’s straight, by the way, but not the point.

“Then you went to London and I honestly hated you for awhile, I didn’t accept you had left us, left _me_! So I threw caution to the wind and decided to be bolder. I came out to myself, I went to some lesbian clubs, I had sex with a girl I’d never seen before, I started seeing Chris after he broke up… but of course he cheated on me,” she laughs, humorless, observing her own shaking hands. “And now you’re back and I realized I haven’t got over these stupid feelings I have for you. And I’m aware that I’ve just ruined our friendship but I couldn’t hold this any longer. You don’t have to pretend that you’re not uncomfortable.” Eva looks at Noora, who, strangely, is smiling.

“You’re right, it will be totally weird if we share the bed. Please, go sleep on my sofa. I’ll even lock my door so you don’t attack me with your bisexual germs.” She keeps smiling, and Eva almost dashes from her spot in embarrassment until she understands the reference.

“You fucker! For a second I genuinely thought you were going to ban me from your life!” Tears come out of her eyes as she laughs, and she doesn’t know what kinds of emotion she’s going through at the moment. Maybe she’s lost it for real.

“As if! Besides… why would I ban someone that I like for _liking me back_?” Noora asks, lighthearted.

As for Eva’s heart, it skips a beat.

“What?” She inquires, dumbfounded.

“Eva… I like you too.”

“What?” Eva asks again, still completely out of the loop.

“Are you going to keep saying ‘what’ whenever I tell you that I like you?”

“Since when? What the… why? I… _what_?” Yes, she’s definitely lost it.

“Basically since when I told you that stupid fake chlamydia fact and you laughed! In case you’re wondering, yeah, that was me hitting on you. But I ran! I was so ashamed of myself for saying that… I didn’t think you’d ever look at me!”

“Oh my god,” Eva finally says.  
  
“I know… terrible. Oh, remember the day Vilde pretty much demanded we went to the first meeting, when Chris and Sana showed up?” Eva nods. “Well, not much before Vilde interrupted us, I was trying to ask you on a date. Like, not a real date, but hm, I wanted to know if you had plans for Friday. If you didn’t, I would’ve invited you to hang out and, you know…” She trails off. Eva’s eyes still seem to be out of her skull.

“Fuck!” She shouts, laughing hysterically. “So you like me. And I like you. And we’re both single! Wait, you’re single, right?”

“Of course,” Noora answers, rolling her eyes. “So…” She observes her feet all of a sudden, feeling shy, for some reason.

“So…” Eva repeats, blushing.

“Alright, I’m going to kiss you.” Noora warns, shortening the distance between their faces.

“Ok.” Eva closes her eyes, feeling the hot breath of Noora’s cute nose on her. Her hands have never been clammier, her hair is getting wet at the roots next to the forehead and she has a turned on electric beater instead of a heart, but she finishes the rest of what’s keeping her mouth from Noora’s anyway. 

They go slow at first, just pressing their lips, enjoying the first contact. Eva touches Noora’s shoulder while Noora rests her right hand on Eva’s cheek. _We could’ve done this sooner, had we known how to communicate_ , Eva thinks, as she experimentally rubs her lips against her friend. Noora gets the hint and opens her mouth, catching the other girl’s bottom lip, using a little bit of teeth. Eva’s breath speeds up and she decides that she won’t wait any longer, so she pokes her tongue into the crack of Noora’s mouth. The girl allows her inside and moves her head to deepen the kiss. It’s tentative, a bit awkward, but neither of them cares because they have all the time in world to practice. They slow down after awhile, both short of breath, swollen lips shining with spit. Eva plants some feathery, delicate kisses on the corner of Noora’s mouth, the tip of her nose, both cheekbones and one last kiss on her chin.

“That was…” Noora says as she opens her eyes.

“Yeah,” Eva agrees, smiling. They’re both silent, observing each other’s features, the rise and fall of their chests.

“What now?” Noora asks, but she doesn’t feel lost, not really.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d like very much to keep doing this,” Eva answers cheekily.

“That was exactly what I was thinking,” Noora says and leans forward to kiss Eva again. It’s even better, this second time. At some point, Noora smiles, causing Eva to do the same, so they break the kiss to laugh together.

“Why are we even laughing?” Eva asks.

“Because we stopped being morons and opened up about our feelings for each other?”

“I told you you’re smarter than me.” Eva says, smiling.

“Shush.”

“Only if you kiss me.”

“Oh well, if you insist... “

“Isak, Even, Linn, come quick! Noora and Eva are kissing!” Eskild’s voice booms from the open door.

Noora learns that day that she should always use her lock when Eskild is home and Eva is in her bedroom. She will have to do this for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
